John Callaghan and Namtao - Not Really A Chap

from John Callaghan's Cortical Charabanc by John Callaghan

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about

The piece incorporates elements from "Georgia Swing" by Jelly Roll Morton, Ella Fitzgerald and a 3-year old Dutch girl from a recording by Klankbeeld (available on Freesound.org).

johncallaghan.co.uk
namtao.com

lyrics

I started my mission to pass myself off
As a debonair hipster who's styled like a toff
Proudly I stood as they narrowed their eyes
Was there a clue to my perfect disguise?
I realise now that I should have said gin
When I offered to get the alco-pops in
I cannot exude that old library smell
I'm not a real chap and I think they can tell

I can't even rap, I'm not really a chap

I'm not so much steam punk, I'm more a cream puff
My dress sense is loud but it's not up to snuff
Dapper chap dandies can easily discern
My style's Enid Blyton instead of Jules Verne

Wait a minute, those cogs are just badly-glued on
Your name isn't Tarquin, it's actually John
That's not a real pipe, it's for blowing out foam
And it sounds like you left your Home Counties at home

Now let's raise the tone with some masterful scat
And no, you know I don't mean it like that
The queen of jazz singing and I am her herald
Ladies and gentlemen - Ella Fitzgerald!
Jazzamatazz!

When one wears a hat, it's an elegant cap
And mine's bubble wrap, I'm not really a chap

I tried to defuse all their menacing scowls
But I'm not Bertie Wooster with my Birmingham vowels
It's "spiffing" not "bosting", it's "splendid" not "brill"
Air guitar won't succeed where air sousaphone will
I tried to go retro, they didn't look pleased
When I played them my old happy hardcore CDs
Now they're building a pyre from 78s
I'm not a real chap and I fear it's too late

They've shown me a map, "where's the Watford Gap?"
I think it's a trap, I'm not really a chap
Note to self: use a monocle, not binoculars
My ermine cravat was in fact a dead bat
It's the end of the track, I'm not really a chap

credits

from John Callaghan's Cortical Charabanc, released February 24, 2019
Music: Callaghan, Namtao, Morton
Words: Callaghan

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about

John Callaghan UK

John Callaghan is an unusual songwriter / performer of thoughtful and spiky electronica from Birmingham (UK).
More of his songs can be found at bleep.com/artist/153 (the stuff on Warp Records, basically, including "I'm Not Comfortable Inside My Mind").
He is 173cm tall, weights 73kg and has a blood pressure of 110/60Hg. ... more

johncallaghan.co.uk

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